• Birthday Sext

    Holy shit…


    Three years ago, Lauren and I (Ben) connected a domain we bought for $7.49 (promo codes, yo) to a dark and very plain blog we created to make fun of our friends who would send us some incredible texts while we were lame and sleeping. Three years is a long time. For example: Michael Jackson was alive (and planning a comeback!), four character Twitter accounts were still available, and the Jersey Shore was nothing more than a horrible place to spend a summer.


    We’ve come a long way since those early days of taking turns leaving our computers, fever dreams of submissions coming in too fast to read, and explaining to our parents that this was more important than law school.


    On Tuesday, textsfromlastnight.com turned 3. According to iVillage.com, this means:
    Three-year-olds love to explore words and language. They enjoy making up stories. Their favorite literary characters are often animals with human traits, such as Curious George.
    The three-year-old is eager to please. It’s a wonderful time to establish excellent lifelong habits, if parents have the patience!
    Ours seems to be focused on some more…questionable habits. It’s hard to believe our 3 year old already has a drinking problem, but we love it just the same. In honor of TFLN turning 3, we present to you our favorite birthday texts.


    (518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room… birthday successful? i’d say so


    (727): she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex


    (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said “I’m the birthday girl”, and kept on doing what she was doing.


    (847): He titled his birthday party on facebook, “BJ’s in PJ’s- an adult slumber party.” I’m the only one invited.


    (216): 6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn’t get a cab. Best birthday ever.


    (314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.


    (501): he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake


    (807): at least the cop wrote “happy birthday” on the ticket.


    (608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ”our parents fucked on the same day!”


    (970): There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?


    Best way to celebrate a birthday? Let us know in the comments. We’ll ee you at the bar.
    • Submitted by Cassie on Apr 12, 12 at 3:07pm

      I share my birthday with TFLN. Score.

    • Submitted by Sierra on May 18, 12 at 11:23pm

      Someone really thought to share their blowjob coupons with friends? That’s not only dumb, but a low blow.

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