• Valentine’s Day

    Like it or not, you knew it was coming. February 14th is right around the corner and this kind of VD is unavoidable. Whether you’re celebrating with a loved one, awkwardly texting (or avoiding) a recent hookup or drunkenly sobbing in sweatpants, just remember that we’re here for you…with a list of our favorite Valentine’s Day texts.

    (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

    (864): she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY

    (502): Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine’s day plans

    (585): she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?

    (240): So for Valentine’s Day…I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

    (217): The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend

    (614): the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift

    (704): What’s the appropriate I’ve been inside you but we’re not technically dating valentines present?

    (316): I’m still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day

    (248): Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.

    Got a Valentine’s Day story? Whether it’s sappy or just plain sloppy, put it in the comments.

    • Submitted by jess on Feb 9, 12 at 1:24pm

      Valentines day…the day where I let my boyfriend borrow money so he can take his single depressed bestfriend out so he doesn’t feel lonely..

      Wtf.

    • Submitted by Chris on Feb 9, 12 at 3:15pm

      My fiancee left me on the 5th so looks like I’m returning that necklace I got her. Valentine’s Day this year I’m going to be the single depressed best friend who ruins all my friends’ plans.

    • Submitted by Mica on Feb 9, 12 at 3:57pm

      Valentines Day is they day I set out my toys in a pretty row, pick one, and give it a new name. Stranger in the dark.

    • Submitted by Lyzz on Feb 9, 12 at 4:33pm

      My best friend and I are having a Singles Awareness Day party. No couples allowed.

    • Submitted by Lo on Feb 9, 12 at 4:44pm

      My bday is on the 12th so I don’t really get anything on the 14th…. Maybe I should rationalize sex….?

    • Submitted by jade on Feb 9, 12 at 5:16pm

      Drank 2 bottles of champagne before a VDay game I was supposed to dance at bc I thought my bf forgot about me.All the grls I dance w got me rose bc they felt bad, then I ruined the whole dance bc I was wastd.Then my bf surprised me aftr the dance w flowers.Also got kickd off dance team. #dramatic

    • Submitted by George on Feb 9, 12 at 5:49pm

      If only they had a Valentine’s day “Sorry I gave Chlamydia” card to go along with my gift of antibiotics.

    • Submitted by evil on Feb 9, 12 at 9:37pm

      So because the ex is a lying cheating douche; I’ve come up with the perfect gift; I’m going to edit some medical paperwork that I have and make it say that I’ve tested positive for genital warts not only on my vagina but, orally as well and and mass email every chick I know he’s either already or is trying to fuck wit

    • Submitted by Megan on Feb 10, 12 at 3:14pm

      Is 704 and 316 related?

    • Submitted by Bro on Feb 25, 12 at 11:14pm

      Megan I am thinking the same thing but about Jess and Chris’s comments.

    • Submitted by Vahid on Feb 28, 12 at 1:27am

      omg these are folabuus and one of my fav 80’s songs too!!! My daughter would give them to her fav classmates Im sure or her cousins and sister :)

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