Like it or not, you knew it was coming. February 14th is right around the corner and this kind of VD is unavoidable. Whether you’re celebrating with a loved one, awkwardly texting (or avoiding) a recent hookup or drunkenly sobbing in sweatpants, just remember that we’re here for you…with a list of our favorite Valentine’s Day texts.
(801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
(864): she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
(502): Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine’s day plans
(585): she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
(240): So for Valentine’s Day…I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
(217): The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
(614): the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
(704): What’s the appropriate I’ve been inside you but we’re not technically dating valentines present?
(316): I’m still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
(248): Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got a Valentine’s Day story? Whether it’s sappy or just plain sloppy, put it in the comments.