Thanksgiving officially marks the beginning of the holiday season — a time normally reserved for family visits, elaborate meals and old traditions. So if you’re anything like us, you read that as “a time normally reserved for getting drunk enough to handle the family, fighting your hangover’s urge to throw up the elaborate meals and the age old tradition of drunkenly hooking up with exes”.
With that said, let’s not go counting our turkeys before they’re cooked. Whether you survived finals or the final, pointless hours of work, you still have one last event to live through: Thanksgiving Eve. Also known as the New Year’s Eve of November, a convenient excuse to drink heavily with old friends or just another Wednesday, we wish you the best of luck in whichever way you see fit to celebrate. Just make sure to remember these things — blackout oven use leads to blackened everything, always call a cab, don’t puke on Grandma and send us your texts in the morning.
(949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
(803): What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
(315): I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we’re still alive after the night before.
(217): I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
(570): throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
(405): No you can’t have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn’t have vodka redbull.
(512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as ‘the girl who signed her receipt in blood’
(812): I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
(740): you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
(601): ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
(814): love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
(516): Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Got any Thanksgiving stories you’re not sharing at Grandma’s house? Put them in the comments.